The Healing Power of Forgiveness: Letting Go Even When It Feels Impossible
- Coach Kenn
- Jun 15, 2024
- 3 min read
At Nebraska Couples Coaching (NCC), we get it—figuring out how to forgive someone can be really tough. Whether your partner cheated, a friend betrayed you, or a family member has been hurtful for years, the path to forgiveness can feel like climbing a mountain. It's crucial to remember that forgiveness isn't mandatory, especially if the person who hurt you is still a threat to your mental or physical well-being.
But if you're ready to let go and move on, know that forgiving comes with some pretty awesome health benefits. Holding onto grudges can trap you in a loop of negative emotions and stress. Loren Toussaint, a psychology professor who studies forgiveness, points out that holding onto anger can keep your stress hormone levels high, which can lead to mental and physical health problems.
On the flip side, forgiving someone can reduce stress and improve your mental health. A study co-authored by Toussaint found that greater forgiveness is linked to less stress and better mental health.
Here's an important thing to remember: forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to reconcile with them or keep them in your life. As Everett L. Worthington, a forgiveness expert, says,
"Forgiveness happens inside you." It's about addressing what you are feeling, clearing out the resentment and moving forward for your own sake.
Here's a step-by-step guide on how to forgive, even when it seems impossible:
Decide to Forgive It’s easy to get stuck in blaming the person who hurt you. But this puts your healing in their hands. By choosing to forgive, you take back control. You’re doing this for you, to start your own healing process.
Identify Your Goals Think about what you want. Do you want to be friends again, or do you just want to let go of the bad feelings? Having a clear goal can help you stay focused as you work through your emotions.
Look at Both Perspectives Objectively Try to see the situation from an outsider’s point of view. Write it down as if you’re a third party. This can help you keep your emotions in check and might give you a new perspective.
Find Empathy or Sympathy Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Maybe they had a bad day or were dealing with their own issues. If empathy is too hard, think about a time when you were forgiven. Filling your mind with positive emotions can help push out the negative ones.
Decide When and How to Forgive If you want to let the person know you forgive them, be careful. Saying “I forgive you” can imply they wronged you and might make them defensive. Forgiveness is your personal journey, and you don’t have to tell them if it’s not right for you.
Remember, forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the weight of anger and pain. It's your journey, and it's okay to take it at your own pace but you cannot stay in the space of your pain regardless of who caused it. It's not healthy for you in any aspect and after all, you deserve a life of healing, peace, and balance. So what's next? Simple, just choose it!
Ready to take the next step in your healing journey? At Nebraska Couples Coaching (NCC), we're here to help you navigate forgiveness and build healthier relationships. Reach out today and let's start your journey towards a brighter, happier future together!
The NCC Team
p: 531-541-6100
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